My father has only one use for the internet- to go to the official website of PAG-ASA (Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical, and Astronomical Services Administration) to check the latest weather update and track the paths of the many typhoons and depressions that hit the country. He particularly likes those satellite photos of storms and low pressure areas. He keeps track of the travel schedule of the people around him (more often than not, he is on to my travel schedule) and he uses the information from the website to give people a go-ahead signal. He does not just check the internet, my sister said, he calls the PAG-ASA weather hotline too, to double-check.
The night before my flight back to Manila, Typhoon Dante was in the country. I saw him watching the news and was particularly worried he would not allow me to take the morning flight. He has done that before, he jumped the gun on the airlines and did not allow my grandma to fly because there was a typhoon on its route from China and when the typhoon detoured I had to shoulder the no show fees and fare difference. Every time we scheduled him for a trip to Manila or anywhere that involved him taking airplanes, I would pray for good weather, no, the best weather, and I would always be one step short of offering eggs to Sta. Clara (the Saint for sunshiny days, I think). I would tell him, you know, the airlines would not be allowed to fly if the conditions are really bad. Sometimes, my argument would be, oh, the planes usually fly over the storm clouds. That last one does not always work as I hope it would.
The morning of my departure I sensed that he was more nervous than usual. He asked me to check the weather on the internet and I pretended not to hear him. When he insisted, I said the internet was not working and I would miss my flight if we did not leave that very minute. What compounded his discomfort was his distrust for the airline I was taking that morning. It is new, or at least new to our area, and I kind of understand why he would not have confidence in an airline that sounds like a tetra-pack juice drink. He talked about maintenance, I told him airline maintenance is highly regulated and it would be standard for all airlines, regardless of its tutti-frutti-sounding name. I thought they had already left when I finished checking-in but my mom told me they waited for the plane to arrive so he could see for himself if the plane was big enough. He was not impressed. He called me and told me not to take that airline again.
It has become an SOP for me to call my father once my plane lands, and my standard line has always been “the flight was so smooth.” Technically, I am not lying because I am usually dead to the world during plane rides that the worst air pockets won’t affect me one bit.
My father’s obsession for the weather is only one of the many things he worries about nowadays. His anxiety level increases when he has to travel. I was not like this before, he would always tell me, especially when his anxiety was at its worst. When I came back from Zamboanga, he cornered me just to tell me the stories about his own travels to that island as an internal company auditor more than 30 years ago, of the times when he ate monkey brains, or his island hopping experiences, the time when he had to be sneaked off the island because of the anomalies he found in one warehouse. He also told me of his time in another town, when he had to make his way five floors down through rubble during an earthquake (that’s why he asks me to make sure I know where the hotel fire exits are). He was also supposed to be on a flight that crashed. I was not always afraid of travel; I had many adventures, too. I know, I know, no need for apologies.
Mastering your fear, someone said, is the key. But for my father, his concept of mastering the fear is to check the weather, so he will know what he needs to fear, and when. But how do you control the weather, Mr. Weatherman?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Single-serving
I was an anomaly in South Korea. Not for any other reasons but for these: I was a tourist. A woman. Dining. Alone.
I have had solitary dining experiences in a good number of cities, in four continents. More often than not, I travel alone and I have never felt that dining by my lonesome was an anomaly until now (or maybe once in Sri Lanka but that’s another story).
Of the two nights I was in the country, one I spent having a group dinner with the people who came for the meeting, the other night I decided to spend part of it by myself. I refused dinner invitations from a couple of people but a made half a commitment to join the group to go clubbing later that night.
I should have heeded all the signs. I spent an hour walking around looking for restaurants that had pictures of food that was for a single serving. There were Western Cafes that had single-serving but who would want to eat Carbonara if it was there first time in Korea? I peered through restaurant windows and mentally took note of whether there were tables for one. There were none. All over, I saw groups, congregations, couples. The receptionist at the restaurant I finally settled on had a perplexed look on her face when I asked for a table for one. The waiter who took my order had to go comb through the menu to look for a dish that would be good for one. Even the glass of coke had two straws in it. The Korean guide for the night out, when I asked her if people in Korea ever ate out alone said in a very definitive tone: Never. So that’s that. I decided to get back at the Seoul that had no room for single people by going out and being sociable. But maybe I should not be blaming the city or the country. Maybe it’s me beginning to notice or to mind.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Black Saturday
“My only question is,” she said, “Where do they go after this?”
Faith, I believe is the word, I said. I cannot not believe, otherwise where would they be? At that time, I envied the people around me with unwavering faith, because the conviction that he is somewhere, wherever that is, is better than struggling with the questions – Is this it? And then?
Once, some time ago, an aunt and I agreed that it is better not to seek answers to, or look for meaning to these permanent absences. This is just how it is, you feel it, and then.
So for you, my friend, I share this:
The Same Old Figurative
by Joel M. Toledo
Yes, the world is strange, riddled with difficult sciences
and random magic. But there are compensations, things we do
perceive: the high cries and erratic spirals of sparrows,
the sky gray and now giving in to the regular rain.
Still we insist on meaning, that common consolation
that every now and then makes for beauty. Or disaster.
Listen. The new figures are simply those of birds,
the whole notes of their now flightless bodies snagged
on the many scales of the city. And it’s just some thunder,
the usual humming of wires. It is only in its breaking
that the rain gives itself away. So come now and assemble
with the weather. Notice the water gathering on your cupped
and extended hands—familiar and wet and meaningless.
You are merely being cleansed. Bare instead
the scarred heart; notice how its wild human music
makes such sense. Come the divining
can wait.
Let us examine the wreckage.
(for B, who has just recently said goodbye to a love one; and for him, I say a prayer)
Faith, I believe is the word, I said. I cannot not believe, otherwise where would they be? At that time, I envied the people around me with unwavering faith, because the conviction that he is somewhere, wherever that is, is better than struggling with the questions – Is this it? And then?
Once, some time ago, an aunt and I agreed that it is better not to seek answers to, or look for meaning to these permanent absences. This is just how it is, you feel it, and then.
So for you, my friend, I share this:
The Same Old Figurative
by Joel M. Toledo
Yes, the world is strange, riddled with difficult sciences
and random magic. But there are compensations, things we do
perceive: the high cries and erratic spirals of sparrows,
the sky gray and now giving in to the regular rain.
Still we insist on meaning, that common consolation
that every now and then makes for beauty. Or disaster.
Listen. The new figures are simply those of birds,
the whole notes of their now flightless bodies snagged
on the many scales of the city. And it’s just some thunder,
the usual humming of wires. It is only in its breaking
that the rain gives itself away. So come now and assemble
with the weather. Notice the water gathering on your cupped
and extended hands—familiar and wet and meaningless.
You are merely being cleansed. Bare instead
the scarred heart; notice how its wild human music
makes such sense. Come the divining
can wait.
Let us examine the wreckage.
(for B, who has just recently said goodbye to a love one; and for him, I say a prayer)
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Because D once said:
‘Enough of that cryptic death stream of consciousness thing.' And so, three years later, I decided to drop Notes from Six Feet Under.
A little note on why this is now Horoscope Junky. I am a compulsive reader of horoscope. I subscribe to the daily yahoo horoscope and monthly, I check out www.astrologyzone.com. I once tried to explain why in my first ever blog entry.
So I decided to let this blog go where my horoscope tells me.
My March horoscope said: “It would not be a good time to get engaged and if you don't have to, avoid getting married. Finally, you must never have plastic surgery when Venus is retrograde, which thankfully is a rare occurrence...’ Gosh, and I had such big plans around these things. Ha-ha!
So I guess the only thing I can do that is not in the realm of life changing experiences would be to go back to this page. But it has been so long that I no longer know how to compose paragraphs (with a topic sentence and supporting sentences ba)…so let’s take this slow. The best that I can do right now is come up with a list.
25 Random Things
(This is a facebook thing, not sure why it has to be 25. I started thinking about what I would write on my list of 25 while I was on my dentist’s chair, trying to get my mind off that drilling sound)
2. Still on fears, I have always been afraid of dogs. When I was about 8 or so, a small puppy bit me (the story around this involves a lie that a cousin and I did not take back until we were in our mid-twenties, when we were too old to get a spanking and to be grounded) and I had to be injected with anti-rabies vaccine everyday for about 2 weeks. Hellish for a kid to go through. I was bitten two more times after that, the last one by Maguay, the Delgado’s dog. It was not his fault, he was sick and grumpy and I was sun-shiny happy. Could be irritating for anyone. Darl said he bit because he actually liked me. Does not make sense to me, I never understood that whole law of love and violence.
3. I love solitary walks but these have been seriously hampered by my fear of stray dogs. So now I go on solitary drives. Simon, my dream interpreter, said that every time a threatening dog appeared in my dreams, it means I am anxious about something or there is something I am afraid to face during my waking hours. And he was so right.
4. I have a dog though- I call him Mang Pedring, a toy poodle (I have no problem with dogs once they become my friends). He is back home with his grandparents because his single working mom (me) can’t leave him to starve to death while she is travelling.
5. What I miss most from my childhood is climbing trees. And even if I can’t climb them, I love pine trees. I particularly like peeling resin from its barks.
6. I know this is not environmentally-friendly, but I am always nostalgic whenever I get a whiff of dried leaves burning. Reminds me of lazy afternoons back home. Tita G introduced me to the romantic smell of pine cones burning.
7. For home fresheners, I would prefer the smell of freshly-baked bread or brewed coffee. I can’t stand those lemon or strawberry car fresheners or any fruity smells- gives me a bad headache.
8. If Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas said, ‘You can never ever ask me to stop drinking’, my version would be: ‘You can never ever make me eat ampalaya (bitter lemon) and okra, ever.’
9. These can make me cry without fail: all boys’ choir during Sunday mass, the show Extreme Makeover Home Edition, sports-themed movies where the underdog always wins the game, the movie Running on Empty, the song Smile, and early morning flights to Tacloban.
10. I can’t throw keys away. I keep all of the keys I find in a box even if its owners are long gone, even if the doors that they open are shut forever, or even if the drawers that were under lock and key are now empty.
11. I am all about big wide windows and open spaces. The view from the bedroom window has always been my primary consideration when moving into a new place or checking into a hotel room. My first anxiety attack happened when I drew the curtains of a hotel room and found out it had no windows, just frosted glass. The reason why I decided on my place now is that it had windows you can actually open, unlike other high rise condos where all you get are closed, suicide-proof glass windows.
12. My biggest pet-peeve: Men who carry the purses/small bags of their girlfriends or women who let their men do that- I have never understood why they would need to do that. For me bags are fashion accessories (aside from the practical purpose it serves) so why should I let someone else carry it for me?
13. Another pet peeve is the song Bakit ngayon ka lang. Trust me, in all videoke bars, there would always be married or otherwise committed men singing that song (with feelings pa).
14. It is very important for me that the person (s) I would end up spending a lot of time with would be able to pronounce my name just right- Jet, not Jit, not Jate, not Jets. That’s why I dropped Claudette in the first place- got tired being called Clawdet. Besides, Claudette is so French and I am so, so not.
15. I took diving lessons and went diving twice after I got my license and have not done it since. I took sewing lessons, and have not been back after the second lesson. Now I plan to take photography lessons, wonder if I will make it to the third session.
16. For most of my high school and college years, my plan was really to be based in the US, in New York pa. But now, I can’t imagine living anywhere but here in my country. I love travelling but I get so home-sick and I can’t wait to come back. I tell people I meet when I travel that I live in a tropical paradise. Among the many reasons I can’t imagine living anywhere else: the tropical weather, the beaches, inexpensive salon services and spas, and my family (not necessarily in that order).
17. Among the things I thank the Big Boss for are: that I do not have motion sickness, I do not have allergies, and I can sleep anywhere, at will and in any position, and I have a small circle of very good friends (again, not necessarily in the order of importance).
18. My retirement plan is to own a beach resort in one obscure island that only accepts guests I like; where money would not be the currency accepted as payment for room and board--payment would be through songs belted out in abandon, stories that can make me laugh or cry, even those untold, those that still have to make their way out of their hiding places, and tales of passion and compassion. It will also serve as half-way house for my friends, who can be the resort’s resident eccentric artists. Ines, when I told her about this a year ago, said I should keep and carry a symbol of that dream with me all the time to make it happen (she kept a leaf or a twig- for her dream house or dream island). I wonder what airport security would do if they find me carrying white sand in my pocket.
I am pretty sure that there are seven items we could lift from my previous post to complete the 25 (just realized I have been in a list mode).
1.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Garfield Minus Garfield Moments
Larry’s find- http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/
-- and we realized we are Jon in these strips, oh well, sometimes. Here are my own “without Garfield” moments:
1. I sit on the floor and try out the ‘how to fold a t-shirt” instructions that someone found on the net (in Japanese, no subtitles). I show my friends how to do it.
2. I watch Home Shopping Network and I am compelled to get the food processor so I can turn spinach into a form that I can swallow. But wait there’s more…
3. My dreams appear in the form of powerpoint presentations- before the next frame appears, I have to click the next button first.
4. I carry on conversations with myself, sometimes out loud, if I don’t catch myself in time (now, who doesn’t?). One time, I was on a public utility jeep, and the tail end of my conversation with myself slipped out—I said “…I don’t want to talk about it”. Good thing it was my stop.
5. If I can’t sleep, I really try to count sheep, the ones that jump over the moon. No kidding.
6. I watch Hallmark channel on lazy afternoons and Crime/suspense in the evening.
7. I am taking sewing lessons so I can add sewing curtains and repairing ‘ukay’ finds to my Garfield minus Garfield moments.
8. I take down notes when I watch Barefoot Contessa.
9. I think about my Garfield minus Garfield moments.
10. I blog. (hehehe)
-- and we realized we are Jon in these strips, oh well, sometimes. Here are my own “without Garfield” moments:
1. I sit on the floor and try out the ‘how to fold a t-shirt” instructions that someone found on the net (in Japanese, no subtitles). I show my friends how to do it.
2. I watch Home Shopping Network and I am compelled to get the food processor so I can turn spinach into a form that I can swallow. But wait there’s more…
3. My dreams appear in the form of powerpoint presentations- before the next frame appears, I have to click the next button first.
4. I carry on conversations with myself, sometimes out loud, if I don’t catch myself in time (now, who doesn’t?). One time, I was on a public utility jeep, and the tail end of my conversation with myself slipped out—I said “…I don’t want to talk about it”. Good thing it was my stop.
5. If I can’t sleep, I really try to count sheep, the ones that jump over the moon. No kidding.
6. I watch Hallmark channel on lazy afternoons and Crime/suspense in the evening.
7. I am taking sewing lessons so I can add sewing curtains and repairing ‘ukay’ finds to my Garfield minus Garfield moments.
8. I take down notes when I watch Barefoot Contessa.
9. I think about my Garfield minus Garfield moments.
10. I blog. (hehehe)
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